Khan Manka, Jr. - The Chairman's Blog

The Chairman's Blog Has Moved

2011-04-28T20:23:48Z

Because of the inflexibility of this crappy blogging software, my people have moved my blog here...

Please enjoy the new features as I continue in my quest to reveal all of my powerful mogul friends' most personal secrets. Just kidding - I'll only reveal Bob Iger's secrets. Everyone else is safe.

FYI, there are hundreds of old entries which must be transferred and this will take time - so those items will remain here and this blog will stay up as an archive (though Comments have been closed).

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Manka Bros. Bets The Farm On "Hey Diddle Diddle"

2011-04-04T17:21:54Z

Good morning.

Following an all night film strategy brainstorming session, I am pleased to announce Manka Bros. has committed to produce a $250 million reimagining of the classic children's fairy tale "Hey Diddle Diddle".

This is a mighty big bet for the studio and a decision I don't make lightly.

And while it seems that every studio in town is doing a fairy tale remake right now (Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Killer at Warners, Hansel & Gretel at Paramount and there are THREE Snow White movies in various stages of development, etc.), I think we have hit on a concept that will definitely help "Hey Diddle Diddle" break through the clutter.

In the story's current form, you have a Cat playing a Fiddle, a Cow jumping over the Moon, a Dog laughing and Dish running away with a Spoon... silly stuff that doesn't translate to a long form feature film - much less the elements of a movie anyone over four would want to see.

Problem solved.

We're going to take the same classic characters and set the story in a Soviet gulag work camp in the 1930s. This will allow us to dig deep into the psyches of these characters.

What makes the cow jump over the moon? Freedom.

Why does the dish run away with the spoon? Forbidden love.

Why is the cat playing the fiddle? Because Stalin likes music and if the cat doesn't play, he dies.

Stuff like that. Very powerful.

And while we don't have a screenwriter, director or cast set, we do have a release date: July 4, 2012.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

The Death Of A Mogul...

2011-03-11T17:07:07Z

Good morning,

I noticed on today's This Date In Manka History (March 11, 1958) that 53 years ago today, my Uncle Simeon died. The next day, March 12, 1958, his body was flown back his birthplace (Yambol, Bulgaria) for burial. My asshole father, Harry, did not attend nor did he talk to Simeon during the last five years of his life.

Uncle Simeon's story is a tragic Hollywood tale of weakness and insanity. He died on March 11, 1958 on Hollywood Boulevard wearing only a sandwich board advertisement for "Benny's World Of Beef". I have never heard of Benny's World Of Beef so obviously he didn't do a very good job promoting it. Perhaps he wasn't promoting it at all and simply wore the sign because he had no other clothes.

From what I understand from my father, Simeon went insane around the turn of the 20th century. He would have been 18 at the time. That means he was insane for 58 years. All I remember is that he used to bang into stuff all the time.

He dubbed Manka Bros.' films into Bulgarian doing all of the voices himself (it was very small market for us). He urinated on everything at the studio - marking his territory I suppose. He would urinate on movie sets, on movie stars, the food in the cafeteria... everything. He must have constantly been hydrating.

But I digress... this is not a day to piss (excuse the pun) on his grave. This is a day to remember one of the founding brothers of this great company - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company.

He was the only Manka brother to be buried in their homeland of Bulgaria. My other uncle (the great Khan Manka) wanted to be buried next to Napoleon (he wasn't - Forrest Lawn actually); and my father Harry was buried under his old office (currently my office) here on the Manka Bros. Studio lot (Main Administration Bldg. 2).

So Manka Bros. employees, take a moment to remember your company's history and then get back to fucking work - we're having a terrible year!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Yemen Theme Park - Update

2011-02-15T17:52:51Z

Good morning.

Many of you may be reading in the press about the attempted overthrow of the Yemeni President and wonder how that will affect the construction of the Manka Fun Park - Yemen - which is scheduled to open later this year.

I think as long as the protesters don't destroy any Manka Bros. property (especially the new $5 million Camel Hump Roller Terror in 3D), I'm OK with it.

Getting this theme park built has been a nightmare and over the past few months we've really hit a lot of brick walls with the current regime and had to pay out way too many cartons of cigarettes in order to keep construction going. Perhaps new leadership on the side of the people will help expedite theme park construction.

So... after much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: EVEN DURING THIS TIME OF REVOLUTION, THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

The people of Yemen have lived under a dictatorship for too long and deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

And, this is the right decision for Manka Bros. and its shareholders - because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China and Disney Junior to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we'll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

Manka Bros. Will Not Attend 2011 Sundance Film Festival

2011-01-20T18:38:48Z

To all the acquisition and distribution executives at Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogma, Manka Docs and the new Manka Mumblecore - due to the absolutely shitty year you all had in 2010, you will not be attending the Sundance Film Festival this year.

If you desperately feel the need to attend in order to bid on a movie starring Patricia Clarkson and Sam Rockwell about people who have no idea how to cope in a world filled with so much suffering, then I suggest you quit your job and start a new company that specializes in distributing videos shot on camcorders.

When times are good, Manka Bros. has no trouble throwing away money at meaningless film festivals. (Am I the only one that feels that the films are only shown to kill time in between parties?) And, yes, sometimes we even get lucky - for instance, when we picked up the rights to Snuffing Out The Magic Fury (which will finally open next month after extensive recuts and reshoots and recasts).

But, too bad, junior executives, there will be no more $600 a night rooms with $1,000 a night "entertainment" bar tabs while you try to sleep with 22-year-old "directors" who would do anything to get their $300 film about an autistic coal miner distributed by a major Hollywood studio.

I realize you've probably already purchased your $400 ski caps that you were planning on wearing throughout the festival because independent film makers are way too cool to shower (and, of course, you have to be just like them). I guess you'll have to return the clothes at lunch today.

We have a new theatrical policy here at Manka Bros. - WE WILL NOT PRODUCE OR DISTRIBUTE ANY FILM THAT DOES NOT MAKE MONEY!

So for the young writers and directors of the world who make films about:

The various plights of high school geeks growing up in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s;
Immigrants trying to survive in modern day Mobile, Alabama;
Poets trying to break free from their oppressive capitalist "day jobs"
Cancer movies of every size and shape;
(and, my favorite) Movies about filmmakers trying to get their films made in Hollywood where everyone who works at a studio is some kind of idiot...

I'm sorry, you'll have to find some other sucker to distribute your story that MUST BE TOLD.

I hear The Weinstein Company actually has some money to spend this year (thanks to The King's Speech and the surprising disappearance of all that debt racked up in the past decade). Go ahead and take your precious little film to Harvey Weinstein. He's not hard to find at a film festival - he'll be the one smoking.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios
The World's Largest Media Company

The Future Is Last Year - CES 2011 Keynote - Khan Manka, Jr.

2011-01-06T17:20:49Z

Good morning.

First off, to all of my friends who are badly hungover this morning - I'm told the Circus Circus Buffet will clean out your system pretty well. And to all my friends who are still drunk from last night [there are some claps and hoots from the audience] - well done - but pace yourselves, gentlemen and ladies, there are three more drunken days yet to go.

Especially you, Bob Iger! [Bob Iger, in the front row, howls like a wolf.] Last night, we were at Caesar's drinking on Cleopatra's Barge and Bob said he was going to close the place down. I had to remind him it was a casino in Vegas and they don't close!

Anyway, let's get started. How about a joke? What do you call someone who was a nerd in high school but went on to makes billions in technology and basically changed the way we live our lives? A nerd.

I'm not here today as an ally to the consumer electronics industry. Frankly, you can all F yourselves. I'm here to say to all you geeks and computer dorks who think you can tell Hollywood how to entertain the world that today HOLLYWOOD FIGHTS BACK!

I don't give a shit about your new phone. I don't give a shit about the "digital cloud" you built to hold all my media files - if you guys really want to be useful, develop a killer App that will clean and organize my garage. And I don't give a shit about being able to perfectly simulate a Vietnam jungle battle in my family room.

Seriously, why do I need a new phone and new television every fucking year? When I was a growing up in the 1960s we had one innovation - color television. That lasted us 20 years until we had a VCR that could play tapes of movies. That lasted us 20 years until we had DVD players that could play DVDs of movies.

If you freakin' tech idiots would have left well and good alone, we Hollywood studios would still be raking in billions from DVD sales and my friend Sumner Redstone wouldn't have to sell his plasma just to pay the rent. That's a joke, he actually has other people sell their plasma to pay his rent.

So today, on behalf of Manka Bros. - The World's Largest Media Company - and my studio mogul brethren, I ask the consumer electronics industry to stop the innovation.

Stop making my toaster check the traffic before I leave home.

Stop telling the world which bars and prostitutes I have visited.

Stop having these pointless trade shows that only exist so that media executives can act like they're working but are really just partying in Vegas [many 'boos' from the crowd]. Imagine the turnout CES would have if it were held in Akron every year.

Stop everything you're doing and let us premium content creators go back to doing what we do best - entertaining the world. Don't you morons understand we just want to make movies and television shows? It's killing us to constantly spend our time reconfiguring formats to fit the new phone in our hand or the chip in the back of our brains.

We just want it to be 2003 again. So either join us or get the fuck out of our way because we are going backwards and will do everything it takes to do things the way we have always done them. Capisce?

Google, Microsoft and Facebook are not the studios of the future. Audiences can only watch so many movies about computer nerds who save the world and date robot women.

Questions?

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Manka Bros. Holiday Party Canceled

2010-12-03T17:49:57Z

Due to the shitty year Manka Bros. has had at the box office, the crappy television shows that were produced for our horrible television networks, declining music sales and the frightening losses in our Publishing Group, I have decided to cancel the 2010 Manka Bros. Employee Holiday Party that was to be held at the Nokia Theater and the other surrounding L.A. Live venues and restaurants.

I have requested L.A. Live management to return our substantial deposit. I know many of you were looking forward to seeing Eminem, Lady Antebellum and Seamus (who also must return their deposits). Too bad. If you're better at your jobs next year, maybe we'll try something like this again.

But I don't want you to get absolutely nothing from your employer for the Holidays - so for the next week, the Cafeteria is offering 10% off one slice of pizza.

Have a safe Holiday season and let's make 2011 a year that doesn't suck.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

FYI, I'll be at my house in the Seychelles until January 6, 2011.

Manka Bros. To Launch Facebook Killer in 2011

2010-11-16T18:03:15Z

Good morning. Today is a very exciting day (much more exciting than that stupid Apple iTunes/Beatles thing).

Today, I announce that Facebook's reign over the world's brains is coming to an end!

No longer will 50 year olds spend hours every day buying little pigs for their digital farms.

No longer will last night's drunken photos greet you first thing in the morning (posted by the designated driver who didn't have a drop).

No longer will brain cells be lost because instead of actually reading books you only post a Status Update of the books you claim to be reading.

No, World, Manka Bros. is your only Friend now - because in 2011, CALIGULA IS COMING TO SAVE YOU FROM THE SOUL SUCKAGE THAT IS FACEBOOK!

Unfortunately, this morning I can only share with you the proposed logo (see image) and the promise that, yes, indeed, Caligula will kill Facebook. How? Through superior engineering, an unmatched global marketing infrastructure and a deep pocketed parent company that isn't afraid to lose a few Billion to win this fight!

While I can't give out any details of this exciting new platform, I can assure you that Caligula is already six times better than Facebook and it hasn't even launched. When it does launch (2011), it will be over ten times better.

Mankaneers around the world have been working around the clock for years preparing for this war.

The ultimate battle for your free time will be joined in 2011. Won't you join us?

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Manka Bros. Awards $1,001 Bonus and 10.1% Raise To Senior Management

2010-11-10T17:51:51Z

Good morning.

In response to my friend Eric Schmidt's announcement that every employee of Google will receive a $1,000 bonus and a 10% raise, I am announcing a $1,001 bonus and 10.1% raise to the Senior Management team at Manka Bros.

Unfortunately, because of the horrible year we are having at the box office and in our Television Group, we are forced to reduce the salaries of everyone below Senior Vice President in order to pay for this salary increase.

The salary reduction and bonus elimination (effective immediately) for VPs and below and support staff will range from 10.1% to 25%.

[Please note: Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group) and Robin Rafe (President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) will not be receiving these bonuses because they really REALLY suck at their jobs.]

If you happen to see any senior management around the studio lot today, be sure and give them a nice congratulations wave (but try not to make eye contact).

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Yemen Theme Park - Update

2010-11-05T16:44:23Z

Good morning.

Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.' plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen.

After much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

Just because there are a few terrorists trying to blow up everything in the United States doesn't mean that the rest of the people of Yemen don't deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

While it has been a long slog through the bureaucratic muck and construction of the park has been slow due to increased terror threats, political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, things are moving along.

Because of all those hurdles, I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months (or years), but I was reassured yesterday by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules (are you listening America?), the scheduled opening will easily be met.

That's the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we'll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

Manka Bros. Triathlon Team Finishes Last... Again

2010-10-22T22:46:47Z

Unbe-fucking-lievable!

If I didn't know better, I would think that my employees only live to embarrass me.

I was just informed that the Manka Bros. Triathlon Team (led by the freakishly pathetic Jay McBee - nice swim trunks, Jay) finished last at this year's Nautica Malibu Triathlon.

Last for the fifth straight year!

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon is an annual competition also known as the Entertainment Industry Challenge (EIC) and pits all the major studios (Manka Bros., Warner Bros., Disney, Sony, NBC Universal, Paramount, Fox, etc.) against one another.

Each year I think, well, if we can't beat them at the box office or on television or in music sales or in theme park attendance or in publishing... we can beat them in a triathlon.

Boy, am I fucking stupid.

Manka Bros. has become a joke. We are the flabbiest and most out of shape of all the studios. Freaking embarrassing.

Maybe we need to start a morning calisthenics program much like they do every year at the Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat.

I don't know what it's going to take, but as a person who owns a home in Malibu, I never want to see pictures of people like this on that beach ever again!

And that includes you, too, David Geffen!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Fishing With Barry Diller

2010-10-14T21:57:19Z

Good afternoon. I hope you are all enjoying your vacations. I mean, you can't possibly be working because if you were MANKA BROS. WOULDN'T BE HAVING SUCH A HORRIBLE YEAR! If you are working, then you obviously suck at your job and should immediately quit for the good of the company!

Anyway...

Last weekend I went fishing with Barry Diller up at Pyramid Lake (it's a man-made lake about 60 miles up from Los Angeles off the I-5 freeway). It turns out, Barry likes to go there a lot. He has a little boat parked there in a shed.

I knew he was a wild man (from his Burning Mogul antics at the Herb Allen Mogul Retreat this year) but I had no idea he was such an outdoors man.

He picked me up on Saturday in his Toyota Tundra which was loaded down with a lot of supplies (fishing gear, cooler of beer [Coors], a little BBQ, some granola bars, etc.).

I don't know the first thing about fishing. I went one other time in my life - a couple of years ago - at a daddy-daughter weekend in Aspen with some other media moguls. When Connie, my daughter, tried to cast out a fishing line, the hook got caught in my nose and pretty much did a full on Roman Polanski / Jack Nicholson nose rip from "Chinatown". I vowed never to fish or camp again.

But Barry Diller is very persuasive. He said he needed to get away from everything for a while. I suggested the Bacara Resort in Santa Barbara. He suggested a little row boat on Pyramid Lake.

Pyramid Lake is not your typical mogul hotspot. It's mainly a place for drunken jet skiers from the Inland Empire.

The first thing I noticed as we drove up the I-5 was Barry's taste in music. He is a huge Southern Fried Rock guy (Lynyrd Skynrd, the Outlaws, BTO, etc). I had no idea. Maybe the drunken jet skiers from the Inland Empire were his cup of tea.

It took a while to get to the lake (he insisted on stopping to help a stranded motorist change a tire) but once we were there, it was surprisingly serene. Not too many rednecks. The weather was nice.

His boat - THE VON FURSTENBERG (badly stenciled on the side) - is very small. It barely had enough room for two people. Throw in a cooler full of Coors and the fishing supplies and there was very little space to move.

Once we finally got out on the lake, Barry attempted to show me what to do but I had no interest at all. He pulled a Nightcrawler out of a can of worms and quickly baited his hook like a pro. He handed me the can and expected me to do the same.

"Fuck that," I said. "Look, Barry, I just want to sit here, talk and drink beer. I'll never go fishing again after today."

Barry looked a little hurt, sighed, and deftly cast his own line into the lake. "I like to imagine different people when I stick the hook through the worm", Barry said. You know, John Malone, Ben Silverman, Michael Eisner... it's kind of like a fun game, you know?"

I immediately wanted to grab that can of worms and start sticking hooks into them - Jay McBee [stick], Robin Rafe, Ethan Rubidoux... all those in Manka Bros. senior management who suck at their jobs and deserve a sharp hook.

Suddenly, Barry's line tensed and his rod started to bend - "Got one! Grab the net!"

I won't go into any of the actual fishing details (there are people out there better than me to describe what happens when one fishes) other than to say we bagged that fish and eight more.

The rest of day we spent out on THE VON FURSTENBERG drinking the entire cooler of beer and talking about the digital transition and how it is affecting our companies. It was a nice day with an old friend. (Perhaps one day I'll write about our digital transition conversation - it was really interesting and I think we solved the problem - or I'll just have Jill Kennedy at OnMedea write about it.)

I don't remember much about the rest of the trip but I would like to thank the Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club for bringing me back home. I'm not sure how or if Barry got home.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Mary Parent A Job

2010-10-08T00:02:24Z

Good afternoon. Moments ago (as I was writing up a blog about a fishing trip I took with Barry Diller over the weekend), I was made aware that Gary Barber and Roger Birnbaum have become the heads of MGM. Gary, Roger and I go way back and I wish them nothing but the best (word of advice - just produce The Hobbit and James Bond movies and everything will be okay. Let the other studios produce the crap movies that don't make money).

As a casualty of this announcement, I would imagine Mary Parent will no longer be handling the production duties at the studio.

Because of this, Mary, I would like to offer you a job at Manka Bros. Much like my offer to Jeff Zucker last week and mostly because of Manka Bros.' recent horrible run at the box office and on television, you can pick whatever job at the studio you would like (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl's - which is not to be touched).

I would gladly fire Robin Rafe (head of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) or Jay McBee (head of the Manka Bros. Television Group) immediately if you showed the slightest interest.

Just let me know. We may not be able to offer you "The Hobbit" but we are producing the 13th century Icelandic sagas The Prose Edda and The Poetic Edda by Snorri Sturluson. These epics are so much cooler than "The Hobbit" it's not even funny.

We're also doing a $300 million adaptation of The Book of Habakkuk (for my money, the BEST book of the Bible - Old or New Testament).

So, as you can see, there are some big things on our plate... we just someone that's competent to shepherd these projects home.

Come home to Manka Bros. We've got all-you-can-eat yogurt every Friday!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Jeff Zucker A Job

2010-09-24T20:10:28Z

I have sold my Comcast stock.

Frankly, I am stunned at today's announcement that Jeff Zucker has been fired by Steve Burke at Comcast. Little Stevie Burke (who was a Manka Bros. intern years ago in our Publishing Group) has some balls on him. He's not even Jeff Zucker's boss yet and he pulled the trigger on the firing.

My great old friend Brian Roberts doesn't know what a treasure he has lost today. It's a crazy world when someone like Jeff Zucker doesn't have a media empire to run. I would call Brian on Jeff's behalf to urge him to overrule Steve Burke, but I'm just too busy.

Well, JZ, even though Comcast Universal (which will still be smaller than Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company) doesn't have a place for you after the merger, Manka Bros. DOES have a place for you. I would like to offer you a job anywhere you want in the organization. Check our Senior Management roster and pick the job you would like.

Manka Bros. has so underperformed this year, nearly every job is up for grabs (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl). Just give me a 24 hour heads up and I'll fire whomever you wish to replace.

Though based on your track record, personally, I would prefer you stayed away from our television group - but, really, beggars can't be choosers, right?

I know you're hurting right now and probably inconsolable and crying but just remember all the good times we've had from Herb Allen's Sun Valley Retreat, to the lobster boil with Peter Chernin - lots of great times.

The party would continue and never stop if you joined our organization. The whole thing just breaks my heart and I only wish to God Manka Bros. would have acquired NBC Universal when we had the chance just so that you would still have a job.

I know everyone thinks you're an asshole (welcome to the club!) but your accomplishments at NBC cannot be ignored - from the hiring of Ben Silverman to the way you handled the Jay Leno/Conan situation - NBC is in great shape and will only get stronger after you leave. You can hold your head up!

So, think about it. Take a couple of years, climb a mountain, backpack around Europe. Hopefully, at least, GE will cash out your vacation time. If not, and you need a low interest loan until you get back on your feet, just let me know.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Vanity Fair Can Suck It

2010-09-01T17:38:54Z

Good evening from the Seychelles.

While I wasn't planning on contacting anyone except the bartender during my final vacation of the summer, this morning I was forwarded the 2010 Vanity Fair 100 List. Most people consider this list to be an annual ranking of the world's most powerful media moguls - I consider this list to be shit.

WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT ON THIS LIST?!

We live in a media world dominated by Manka Bros. From the multiplex to the television to the newstand to the internet to every freakin' handheld device, the people of the world simply cannot avoid Manka Bros. and yet we have been ignored... again.

Frankly, I am shocked that the writers of this story and the publisher of this magazine had the balls to make this grave error in judgment. I think I know why it happened, I just can't believe that the people who put this bullshit list together would sacrifice their professional integrity over a personal vendetta.

It is simply unconscionable that Lady Gaga, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Ryan Kavanaugh (!!!!), Bob Iger and Barry Diller are on this list - yet I have been left off. Don't get me wrong, I could care less about this stupid little list. You can't rank moguls!

Perhaps a little backstory is necessary on how we got to where we are today.

I have known Graydon Carter (Editor-in-Chief of Vanity Fair) for nearly 40 years. We were in a tap and jazz dance class in Hollywood in the late 1960s before I rebelled against my father (the great asshole studio mogul Harry Manka) and turned to rock and roll where I founded the awesome power rock trio known as King Khan.

Due to my severe drug intake during those years, I don't remember much... but I do remember Graydon kept hounding me to pitch my dad some idiotic movie idea which combined tap dancing and space exploration. I refused and we didn't talk for many years.

In the mid-1980s (after I had taken over as Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros.), I had a dream about tap dancing astronauts and immediately called Graydon and asked if his idea was still available. It wasn't.

Turns out, he had recently sold "Black Hole Time Step" (or whatever the hell it was) to Golan-Globus for $3 million (all cash in a suitcase). That movie was later completely rewritten and became Death Wish 4: The Crackdown... but I digress.

To make a long story short, after the recession hit in 2008 and everyone eventually declared print media dead, I made a hostile bid for Conde Nast (parent company of Vanity Fair) from its parent company - Advance Publications - for $8 million. Even though the publishing industry was extremely challenged, I figured for the right price it would be a good fit nestled within the Manka Bros. Publishing Group.

Advance Publications Chairman & CEO S.I. Newhouse told me to 'GO F MYSELF'.

I decided to take the high road from that remark and raised my bid to $8,000,100 and told S.I. to use that extra $100 to pay for the movers to clear out his office. I never heard back and here we are today.

Obviously, my old friend Graydon is afraid for his job and knew putting me on the Vanity Fair 100 list would not be looked on favorably by his ultimate corporate boss - Mr. Newhouse.

But things tend to even out over time. I have instructed our in-house media watchdog Jill Kennedy - Editor-in-Chief of OnMedea - to start putting together our own little list.

I'm thinking of calling it: THE MANKA 100 - Top 100 Failures In Media.

Hmmm... where should I start?

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company