Manka Bros. Studios - Corporate / Speeches

'FOCUS ON MEDIA' KEYNOTE ADDRESS: DAVOS WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM

Khan Manka, Jr., Chairman & CEO, Manka Bros. Studios

January 28, 2010

(Text only. For full speech with added commentary and images go here.)

Thank you very much President Sarkozy for that incredible introduction. I had no idea of the impact I and my company have had on you throughout your life. I was genuinely moved by your words. Give my love to your smoking hot wife.

(French President Nicolas Sarkozy embraces Khan Manka, Jr. and exits the stage.)

Thanks to the World Economic Forum Committee - or as I like to call them "The Drunken Dozen" - for choosing me to address this conference. It's not often that an ex-hipped song plugger from the Laurel Canyon neighborhood of Los Angeles gets this kind of an opportunity. But it's not often that a hippie song plugger from Laurel Canyon becomes the head of the World's Largest Media Company. I can thank my bastard dad (legendary Hollywood mogul and Manka Bros. founding brother Harry Manka) for dying 35 years ago and sticking me with this suck ass job.

(Khan Manka, Jr. has to hold while the audience laughs uproariously.)

Let me get right to it. You bankers with your ski resort conferences and presentations looking for answers on what went wrong is such a joke to me.

(A few audible hisses and one very loud "bull shit" is heard from the crowd.)

Fuck you guys. The global economy is not a difficult thing to figure out. Make shit that people want to buy and sell it for a price that people can pay. There is a reason Manka Bros. is the World's Largest Media Company. It's simple. It's because we are the biggest and we are not stupid. When Jimmy Cameron came to me and said he wanted to make a $400 million dollar movie about blue people set on a distant planet, I passed. No fucking way am I shooting a movie on another planet. It's expensive enough in California!

(Silence.)

I then asked him if he had any teenage Frankenstein movies. Actually, he did. I'm happy to say Manka Bros. has started production on James Cameron's "Frankie Stein" - for a budget that is almost half of what it cost to make "Avatar". THAT'S good business. That's why we're still IN business.

(Silence.).

The media world is especially easy to figure out. Everybody is trying to come up with new business models, new gadgets, new ways for people to experience the crappy shit we all produce. Translation: We've got to exploit this horrible movie or TV series on multiple platforms so we can get our movie back. MAKE GOOD CONTENT AND PEOPLE WILL BUY IT!

If you want to stick it on an iPad or a Lieberscanner 3000, go right ahead. But first, find writers who can write, directors who can direct, actors who can act, and producers who can produce. Everything else will take care of itself.

(Applause and a few shouts of approval.)

You international bankers are a real freaky bunch. You love to find ways not to give me money for my movies. It's not like you're strapped for cash. You recovered and kept all that gold the Nazi's stole for Christ's sake!

(There is a GASP from the audience.)

But you'll be sorry. We've got a great film slate. I thought you idiots liked Will Ferrell. We've got three movies written just for him ready to go. "Gregory Lopez: Excellent Plumber", "Ray Edwards: African Explorer", and, my favorite, "Mud Jenkins: County Assessor". We're going to make billions with or without your precious money... that you stole!

I'm being told to wrap it up. So I will end with these words from my Uncle - the great Khan Manka, Sr. - "Hollywood is a town where everybody is desperate for success and nearly everyone fails. But if you are a mogul and you make movies, you will get laid... a lot."

Thank you.

I'll be drinking tonight with the Money Honey at the Hotel Eden Bar if anyone would like to come over and get drunk with me.