Reel Suite - May 20, 2008

Greetings, you bumps on a blog!  I have the privilege of writing this week's entry from the exciting Cannes Film Festival.  I wasn't originally supposed to be one of the Manka reps on the Croisette this year, but after a food poisoning outbreak ravaged the acquisitions department early last week, I was selected to round out the team, a real rarity for a Junior VP in the P&P division.
 
What a whirlwind it has been since my arrival.  We are feverishly sifting through the product here for a gem that Manka can pick up for a song and make a bundle on.  Acquisitions overall are running a disappointing 22% less than last year, while product availability is, by all accounts, up by 36%.  Distributors so far are spending on average $750,000 per deal, 67% of which is straight to DVD fare.  My team leader Nick Wolcott has kept me hopping from screening to screening.  I viewed a powerful film from Algeria called The Slaughter of the Annaba Children, an intense movie from Oman titled Murbat Puppy Death, and the much-anticipated seven hour opus from Finland, The Frozen Nuns of Tampere.  I thought there was some good stuff there, but Nick said they wouldn't play with the Juno crowd.
 
Fortunately, I was able to bring a guest with me to the festival (at 20% off the airfare).  I've had a cute little "developing" relationship with the girl who lives two townhouses down from me named Carina, this way hot latin bartender from the karaoke place I frequent.  When I asked her to come with me to Cannes, she became so ecstatic I thought she was going to hyperventilate!  Manka Bros. put us up at the Hotel Des Parfums, in some place called Grasse, a little further out that you would like, but bloggers can't be choosers.  The smells of rotting brie and sweat in the lobby didn't put me off, but Carina became nauseous then cried for 20 minutes.  We dropped our stuff in the room (small and musty, but charming) and hightailed it for Cannes. 

At the Carlton, I left Carina at the bar while I quickly met with Nick and the team.  By the time I got back, Carina was making out with Gael Garcia Bernal.  They disappeared onto a yacht and I haven't seen her since.  When I got back to the Des Parfums, I discovered the room had been burglarized (a Cannes rite of passage, apparently), including my laptop and a gold watch my dad gave me.  There was a drunk chanteuse wailing outside my window all night, all I have to wear is my old Hall & Oates t-shirt, and I paid $16 for a banana, but I'm in Cannes, Goddamnit!  Eat it, all you f-ing Junior veeps!!
 
Manka Highbrow is considering acquiring three titles from the midnight screenings, Eviscerated, The Gangreen Gang, and The Rabid Ferrets of Anal Creek.  Manka Highbrow's lone Cannes offering, The Bloody Stumps of Elsa Cry, has generated only passing interest from international distribution entities. 
 
(If anyone sees Carina, have her call me at the Des Parfums, room 408.)